Self-Hacking My Way To Mental And Emotional Health Using Complementary Alternative Medicine

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On Being Out Of Touch With Reality – An Early Draft

October 24, 2019

This is an early draft of a summary of my experiences of being out of touch with reality and how I am overcoming it. It will undergo a couple of revisions, but the essence of what I have written here will remain.

I was a self-hacker YEARS before the term was invented.

Growing up  in the 1950’s autism wasn’t at all common. I would have been diagnosed today with the condition I had at age 5 or so.

Early age Ideation and imprinting accompanied by this layer buildup prevents one from the maturation process.

I am a self-hacker.  What am I trying to accomplish? I am trying to ‘go clear’ from a brain fog. I am trying to connect to reality, which means that to a certain degree have lived my life being out of touch with reality.

My condition got so bad that I was in 1997 i was diagnosed with a schizotypal personality disorder and in 2000 I was diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia and chronic major depression. 

in 1997 i was diagnosed with a schizotypal personality disorder. My feelings of depersonalization or derealization were at its worse.

Along with the above described problems I developed a personality disorder and/or my personality disorder became worse. Specifically: emotional disability, ideas of reference (my main ‘idea of reference’ was my ecology illness and my inability to communicate my issue, my  increasing isolation and being out of touch with reality. I believe that the psychiatrist(s) mistakenly thought my ‘idea of reference’ was about my sexual addictions and sexual disorders. This confusion about what i was about occurred in the late 1980’s and 1990’s.

The ideas I want to discuss are imprinting, ideation, meditation to change brain-thought patterns, self-hacking and mind-hacking, mistakes I made in self-hacking with made my ideation and behavior patterns worse (I had a pretty bad leer).

1-Since as early as I can remember I have lived with a ‘spectrum disorder’, an organic brain syndrome, etc.  I have a memory of being hit on the head at age 4 but I can’t get any of my cousins to remember if this had occurred.

My Experience Being Out of Touch With Reality

It is my experience that my brain fog and being out of touch with reality is directly connected to ecologic illness. My many layers of long term toxins and bio-films just stood between myself and a direct experience with reality.

My perception was affected: like there was a film over my eyes, like everything zi saw was a 2-d photograph, nothing in 3-d. During my struggle for reality everything to a back seat. The people around me did not understand. They interpreted my behavior as a “who cares” attitude, like I just shrugged my shoulder with a “who cares” attitude.

Along with my life long ME/CFS and brain fog I have been out of touch with reality.  BTW – is having a brain fog synonymous with being out of touch with reality. I think its complicated.

Note-Don’t forget to mention bacterial infections and resulting damage to the brain barrier. cite references.

Gunk Defined

What exactly are this layers? Candida, fungus, biofilms, phlegm, body fat are the layers that come to mind. I was to learn later that these layers of long term toxins can be thought of in terms of Traditional Chinese Medicine as stasis and stagnation.

Gunk: stagnation of Congealed Phlegm, Phlegm Mist, body fat, candida, yeast, fungus, biofilms,, long term toxins (hydrogenated fats, grease, etc). Mention cellular detoxification comments.

Layers shit

Looking back, trying to make sense of my past and what brought me to my present, I can only see the dots, fuzzy dots, that i spend a lot of time if those fuzzy dots are connectable.

How I Overcome It

I used a variation of “the five skandas” to gain an experiential familiarity to my pharmacopeia of vitamins, minerals, amino acids and traditional Chinese medicine herbal formulas.

-i always had insight into my condition

-i always was self motivated

i the patient healed myself

my strategy was always to ignore superficial symptoms but go at the underlying problem

Need to have an experiential familiarity with the tools you will need to go clear.

In my experience The tools I needed 

This approach ay seem insurmountable. Consider the couch potato contemplating becoming a competitive marathon runner. It ay seem insurmountable at first but it is doable.

Self hacking, mind-hacking and meditation as a spiritual technology

Important: I strongly advise all beginner self-hackers to seek the advice of a naturopath or herbalist.

It took 35 to 40 years before I gathered the tools necessary txobreak down those layers of gunk. I found solutions that instead of “it took a long time for you to get sick and wit will take a long time for you to get better” understanding tp no getting it all together, so that it no longer takes decades to unravel those layers of gunk

My solution has been to self hack myself using CAM. But I also do mind-hacking/meditation to alter the un-healthy thought patterns that I had acquired.

In TYM terminology: blocked channels and worsening stagnation?

Learning From My Mistakes Made

I was told early on (1982 to be exact) that I suffered from long-term toxins, that had built up in layers. I was also told that it took a long time for me to get sick and it would take a long time for me to heal. I was to learn later that it does not need to take a long time to heal.  

I was to learn that my being out of touch with reality was directly related to that build up of many layers of those long term toxins. My gains in perceptual clarity came in proportion to my clearing away those layers of long term toxins.

I was to learn that one must be a self-hacker successfully “go clear’.  I have yet to find an Md, naturopath, or herbalist who “got it”. None had grasped the total picture. The closest was the Bio-ecologic MD I saw in 1982. Unfortunately he did not know about or practice herbal medicine, something I sorely needed.  

I was to learn that in order to change one self one had to not only be a self hacker but also be a   mind hacker. [cite krista tippets podcast re meditation as a spiritual technology]. 

I was to learn that being a self-hacker and mind-hacker caused a lot of confusion and suspicion in the workplace and community in which I worked and lived.

Not understanding how to detoxify only made ,y condition worse, my long term toxins got “squeezed” producing symptoms that I did not have before I began hacking.

Note-My self hacking errors led to my long-term toxins getting ‘squeezed’ (this description was put to me by a Bio-Ecologic Psychiatrist around 1982). 

I learned that If you do not know what you are ding and if your condition is as severe as mine then your condition can get a lot worse. I learned that one does need to seek the advice of that MD, naturopath and herbalist.

after i started self-hacking, forty some years ago, not knowing what i was doing, i got worse. 

entering adulthood i incurred a leer which grew worse